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"You are hereby relieved of your duties . . . "
Logan's pained voice echoed in his mind as he got into his car and drove back home; four weeks had passed since he was temporarily dismissed from Time Force after failing them as an officer for the last time. He had been unable to concentrate on his work, and finally Logan had insisted on giving him a forced leave of absence.
"Eight freakin' weeks," he muttered, pulling up to the red light and rolling his eyes, there were no cars to stop for.
Reaching down, he flipped on the radio and winced as the modern music blared into his ears; he shook his head and started running through channels till he heard something that caught his attention: "Scotts has announced her engagement to Lieutenant Roman Schmidt, also of Time Force."
"'Scotts'?" he whispered, "No . . . "
"And that's it for the news," the announcer spoke, "now back to the music!"
The light changed, but Alex sat still and silent, staring at the wet road ahead of him as the rain continued to pour down, echoing his own mood. Finally, he pressed his foot down gently and headed on his way again, turning off the radio so he could think in the quiet; there was no way of knowing if this Scotts was . . . he shook his head, it had been so long . . .
"Jennifer," he whispered.
It was still raining when he got out of his car and started walking across the street to his apartment complex, silently cursing the people who had parked in his way. He dripped on the carpet all the way up the stairs to his own room, and quickly stripped himself of the soaked clothing as soon as he shut the door. Looking at the other side of the room, he saw the picture he had kept up for years:
Alex & Jennifer
December 25th, 2999
The year before everything changed. He would never forget it, he had already been planning on asking her to marry him, and was picking out the ring on Christmas Eve; it was supposed to be a Christmas morning proposal, but he hadn't had the nerve. He had proposed five months later, the day of Ransik's trial---some would say he had no taste at all, outside a courtroom! But they hadn't seen the sunset.
He smiled sadly and touched Jen's cheek on the picture, imagining the feel of her soft skin beneath his fingers . . . her thick, rich hair . . . her wide smile and bright eyes.
"I miss you, baby . . . "
*
Drove to the church
In my suit and tie
But I just couldn't bring myself
To go inside
*
Alex rose early in the morning a week later, showering quickly and digging through his drawers for an old suit he had bought years before. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and nodded with a small sense of satisfaction, surprised by how different he looked; his black hair was loose, not tightly slicked back as usual, and he was out of uniform for a change.
"Let's do this," he whispered.
The owner of the apartment building was downstairs sweeping the floor when Alex came trotting down the stairs, doing his best to look cheerful. "Good morning, Todd," he said.
"Good morning---Alex???" Todd blinked rapidly, staring at the young man with almost suspicious eyes. "Where're you headed off to?"
"A wedding." Alex paused in the doorway, licking his lips quickly as he contemplated what to say next. "Look, Todd . . . you've been great. And if I don't see you again---"
"What're you talking about?" Todd snapped, "You�re not working anymore. What could be so dangerous that you're going to in a suit like that?"
Alex hesitated, then just smiled and shrugged. "I don't know what got into me," he said, "I just wanted to thank you . . . for everything."
"Well, you're welcome, son," Todd said, sounding utterly confused.
Alex nodded, then left the building and headed to his old truck, the one he drove on rare occasions when he was off-duty. He had driven to the mountains with Jen in the truck, to an old cabin where the spent the weekend; he had cooked her dinner, brought her breakfast in bed, and they had shared the night together for the first time.
He didn't even notice that he was driving as he went down the familiar streets to the church, he had confirmed the wedding date earlier, and knew exactly where he was going. It only took ten or so minutes before he pulled up in front of the large church Jen had attended as a child; the bells were ringing as guests started going inside, but somehow he couldn't convince his body to move . . .
*
So I sat alone
In my truck across the street
Watched that chauffeur smokin' cigarettes
By that long white limousine
*
I could just imagine
What was going on in there
Sunlight streamin' through the stained glass
And those flowers in her hair
*
. . . Thirty minutes had passed since Alex had arrived at the church, he and the chauffer were the only ones on the street; both were smoking casually, waiting for the ceremony to end. The day was bright and cloudless, no signs of rain after such a dreary week; Alex shook his head and smiled, leaning against the back of his seat.
'Do you, Alexander Collins, take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife---in sickness and in health, in happiness and sadness, for richer for poorer, for better or worse, to have and to hold . . . 'til death do you part?'
"I do," he murmured.
'Til death do you part . . . death had parted them before they had a chance to exchange vows, and was the reason everything had changed for the worse. He admitted it, maybe he had thrown his life away after their break-up; he just didn't see a point in anything anymore. He had lived only for Jen those years that they had dated, preparing for their life together---a life that was supposed to last forever.
He could just imagine the way things were going behind those tall doors, her soft voice as she recited her sacred vows and gave her heart---and life---to the man she loved now. He hadn't seen her since she returned from saving the past, and the man she loved at the time, Wes Collins. They had greeted each other coldly when she arrived at the docking bay, withdrawn and obviously an emotional wreck. He had wanted to wrap his arms around her and make her feel all better, if she would just go and get the memory adaptation done, everything would be all right.
But she wouldn't. Couldn't forget the man she had risked her life to save, the man she had loved for months while Alex was in the future watching over her silently; he had watched their love progress and grow deeper, and was unable to do anything about it.
He was brought back to reality as the bells on the church began to ring cheerfully and the doors flew open; he sat up and watched anxiously for her . . .
. . . and there she was. Tears streaming down her flushed cheeks, laughing and waving to the people who lined up on the either side of the steps; Alex leaned forward and pressed his hand to the windshield, mouthing her name as she made her way to the limo with her new husband. But she paused at the bottom of the steps, throwing her bouquet of red roses into the crowd of young women.
The tall man in a black tuxedo took Jen's arm and gestured to the car, words were exchanged, but inaudible to Alex; the blushing bride stood up straight and kissed the groom, throwing her arms around his neck. It was obvious that Jen was happy, and she hadn't been in so long . . . Alex couldn't help but feel a little happiness for her.
Jen disappeared into the limo, and the chauffer threw away his cigarette; Alex quickly started his own truck as the limo went by, he could see into the back windows---Jen and her husband were kissing passionately, in their own private world. He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths and calming himself before driving off in the other direction as the guests slowly dispersed; he wasn't aware of where he was going, but soon he found himself on the bridge of the river that ran through Silver City.
He felt like he was removed from his body somehow and watching himself move as he got out of the truck and walked up to the edge of the bridge, not knowing what he was doing or where he was going; he stood at the railing and looked down into the river, watching the cold water splashing against the rocks. He shivered from both the cold and the sudden feeling that swept over him . . . the thought.
Reaching into his pocket, he found the old ring he had given her barely over five years before, he had slid it onto her finger before even asking the question, certain of her answer. He would never forget her voice, choked with tears as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and he buried his face in her shoulder; that was the way they embraced, so tightly and securely.
He had always felt safe in her arms, although he knew she always thought he was the one protecting her, it was exactly the opposite. He had needed her when he returned from work, when he was sore and a little grumpy, she would go over and rub his tensed shoulders till they relaxed . . . bring him a cup of hot coffee . . . and then curl up on the couch next to him.
He watched the sun reflect off the sparkling diamonds on her ring, then raised his arm and threw it into the air . . . out of reach . . . out of sight . . . out of his life forever. He caught a glimpse of the ring dropping into the water, and smiled slightly as he felt a peace come over him---
It was over.
*
And in less time than it takes a tear to fall
Oh, that old ring went under
And now it�s gone for sure
And I don't have to wonder anymore
*
Well, the angels sang like thunder
As I felt myself go under
Now I don't have to wonder anymore . . .